Being in a happy place in your marriage while being an attachment parent is hard! It is a lot of work with a tiny amount of “free” time. I say this as I’m nursing our son back to sleep since he woke up right as we were putting on a movie….it is rough to say the least. Sometimes I don’t want to get out of bed and watch that episode of TV and cuddle up on the couch…because I’m exhausted! Then when I don’t, I miss my husband like crazy.
At one point though I think he felt like he wasn’t a priority in my life and I won’t lie, I don’t think I was putting enough effort into our marriage for him to be a big priority at that point. I was just focused on our daughter, on sleeping, on exercising… It’s so easy to get caught up in motherhood and forget about yourself and the side of you who desperately needs your spouse. I think we were in a fairly crappy place at that point and I just hadn’t realized it and I’m not sure how I didn’t..
I did realize it though and now we are happier than ever, I feel. We spend more time together, we communicate better, we are more of a “team” than before and it has become easier because we are both willing to put the work in and make each other top priorities. When the kids go to bed, we are together. We are not on our phones, we are not on our computers, we are not focusing that small end of the day amount of energy on anything else but each other.
We play, we laugh, we watch TV, we eat together, we clean up and we go to bed together. Sometimes there may be some interruptions where I have to go back into the family bed and nurse our children back to sleep but it’s not for long usually and then we just continue on with our night. When we go to bed we sleep upstairs in our bed and usually I can sleep with him there for half of the night before having to move back into the family bed. I never used to sleep with my husband. I was just too tired and lazy and I think that us sleeping together is a huge thing that we absolutely need. I need to sleep next to him for some portion of the night. It just makes me feel like we’re still connected and renews it after a long day where maybe we hadn’t seen each other much. I always feel weird when I don’t get to see him much like something is missing and it really makes me sad but crawling into bed with him is just so comforting and kind of washes away the parts of my day that were not the best.
Being an attachment parent will never become less work. You are always going to be “on call” when it comes to your children and their needs and emotions but everyone needs to find balance. Your spouse…and yourself matter. I know that I get caught up in what the kids need, what the kids are saying, what the kids want to do but we need to stop and also remember that our spouses are here too and they matter. I’m constantly trying to make sure that everyone is feeling like they are a priority and I feel like after 2.5 years and two children later, my spouse is finally feeling like they are all equals in my world and that makes me pretty happy. 🙂
How do you guys make time for your spouses while practicing attachment parenting? Has it been hard for you?